The Style Invitational
Week 300: A Brand New Contest
Matt Drudge® cleanser
("To really, really, really get the dirt out!")
Ken Starr® weenies.
Jeffrey Dahmer® Manwich.
Larry King® softballs.
By Bob Staake for The Washington Post
This Week's Contest is to type a sentence using only your nose and right
pinky – no, we're off that kick. This week's contest was proposed by
Elden Carnahan of Laurel, who wins three disposable Betadine Swabsticks,
which are basically giant Q-tips soaked in iodine. They stain your skin
so profoundly that minor cuts or abrasions resemble vast, suppurating
leprous lesions. Elden suggests that you come up with celebrity-brand
products, as in the example above. They may or may not also contain a
descriptive slogan.
First-prize winner receives a fancy ballpoint pen advertising Viagra,
donated to the Style Invitational by Charlie Myers of Laurel, who claims
he won it in a tennis tournament. It is worth $25.First runner-up gets
the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser Pen. Other runners-up
receive the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable Mentions
get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Winners
will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your
entries to the Style Invitational, Week 300, c/o The Washington Post,
1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071; fax them to 202-334-4312; or
submit them via Internet to this address: losers@washpost.com. Internet
users: Please indicate the week number in the "subject" field. Also,
please do not append "attachments," which tend not to be read. Entries
must be received on or before Monday, Dec. 21. Important: Please include
your postal address and phone number. Winners will be announced three
weeks from today. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste,
humor or appropriateness. No purchase necessary. Today's Abrv No One
Ntcs was was written by Sandra Hull of Arlington. Employees of The
Washington Post and members of their immediate families are not eligible
for prizes. Report from Week 297,
in which we asked you to comb through that day's stories in The Post and
come up with letters to the editor that sort of miss the point.
Second Runner-Up:
To the editor:
Does The Post so hate America that you wish to deliver our national
secrets into the hands of our enemies? I refer of course to The Post's
publication of page after page of "Classified" information, blatantly
labeled as such in type so large that even the most dimwitted spy can
hardly fail to miss it!
J.J. Gertler
Arlington
First Runner-Up:
20,000 Pound Pavement to Help Homeless
To the Editor:
Are you people idiots? What the homeless need are homes, not 10 tons of
additional pavement! This donation is cruel, like giving 20,000 Zippos
to a burn ward. You should all be ashamed of yourselves.
William Scott
Montclair, Va.
And the winner of the Argentine bolo:
HAND-DELIVERED. URGENT!
To the editor:
Do not let them bury those people whose pictures you showed in Sunday's
obituaries! Most of them look like they are still alive!
David Genser
Arlingtonu Honorable Mentions:
Momentum Is Building inDowntown Revival
I continue to be appalled by your poor understanding and incorrect usage
of even the simplest physics terms. Momentum is the property of mass
multiplied by velocity. As buildings remain at rest, they have no
momentum. The term you are looking for is "inertia."
(John Kammer, Herndon)
Unproductive Mids Trampled at Home
Our nation's military academies are and should remain highly
competitive. But it is horrifying that parents are resorting to corporal
punishment when a student has fallen behind in his studies. I am
especially dismayed to learn the Southern Methodists had a hand in this
savagery.
(William Scott, Montclair)
Catholic Fumbles,Stumbles in Playoffs
-By Neil H. Greenberger
Catholic fumbles? I cannot believe your sportswriters are allowed to
single out for criticism persons of certain faiths. Everyone errs
occasionally, not just Catholics. I guess Mr. Greenberger feels Jews
never drop the ball, but I'm here to tell you I found one who did, in
this awful article.
(Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)
Palestinians Say IsraelisViolated Accord
So now they're blaming the Jews for every car that's broken into?
(Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
Maryland Agrees toTobacco Settlement -
Well, that's just great. Just what we need-an entire settlement of
people devoted to their cancer sticks. What's next, a drunk-driving
commune?
(Jean Sorensen, Herndon)
Bishop Lifts Kansas State Over Missouri
A Roman Catholic miracle, and The Post buries it in Sports? This is
typical of your godlessness. I'm sure if it was some Vatican scandal, we
would see it on Page 1 above the fold.
(Brian Broadus, Charlottesville)
Bishop Leads Wildcats Past Missouri
I find it commendable that the clergy are attempting, like Saint Patrick
in Ireland, to rid the land of dangerous animals. However, your story
irresponsibly fails to tell us where the good bishop is taking these
creatures. Is he bringing them to the D.C. area? Show a little civic
responsibility, please, and inform the public. (John Kammer, Herndon)
I object to Frank Stewart's blatant denigration of the mentally
challenged in his bridge column. Whatever he thinks of a player's
relative skills, there is no excuse for the repeated reference to North
as "Dummy."
(Kelli Midgley-Biggs, Columbia)
Pakistan Holds Members ofEthnic Movement
What is the world coming to when Pakistani officials can get away with humiliating its enemies by holding their members?
(John Kammer, Herndon)
D.C. United Se Une Hoy a Campana Solidaria Pro Centroamerica
I was disgusted with the sloppy spelling for the article on D.C. United. There were so many typos I couldn't understand a word.
(Terry Lewis, Alexandria)
To the editor: You Washingtonians are so self-absorbed! Take Sunday's
weather report. You go on and on about weather in the Washington area.
You can bet that here in Muscateen, we don't spend all our time talking
about Washington's weather.
(David Genser, Muscateen)
Republican Leadership Vacuum Might Open Doors for Governors
When will these Poindexters in Washington understand that the American
public won't put up with their gross misspending of U.S. tax
dollars-$600 hammers, $2,000 toilet seats, and now vacuum cleaners to
open doors for governors? Please. (John Kammer, Herndon)
I am eager to contact Mr. Scott Black, the "rumpled money manager," as I
am eager to have him sort and straighten out my wrinkled currency. (Sue
Lin Chong, Washington)
In re the recent spate of letters to the editor supporting more flights
out of National Airport, I believe the authors do not consider the
long-term consequences of this action. Unless we balance the number of
flights out of National with the number of flights into National, we
will only accelerate the trend of urban flight from the District of
Columbia.
(Kevin Shertz, Washington)
I am outraged at the inappropriateness of the Taurus horoscope. The idea
of an "older individual" helping me, a 12-year-old boy, "get into the
big leagues" is repulsive. You have made me cry. (Jonathan Levy,
Washington)
Next Week: The Right Stuff
|